More on Life

So I sat there, holding my cousins baby and I realized that babies actually make me very happy. I held him and was just taken back by the miracle he is. I guess, I think that nothing dies in me when I see pregnant women or babies. It is more that after I am done oohing and aahing, I just get so sad. I said to my husband today, it is so hard, yet there is a chance I have to live with this the rest of my life and I really need to focus more on the miracle. I was doing good until Jason held the baby. He is such a natural. He looked so right. I feel like I am robbing him of this. I started to well up so I looked away real quick. Jason kept getting my attention so that I could see something cute that the baby was doing, he had no idea of the sadness I felt. I really just do not know how so many women deal with this great sadness. In conclusion, I believe that the only time a part of me dies is when I see a mother that takes it for granted. One that doesn't take care of themselves or their baby. The other times, I just seem to think, why not me too God? I want to be a part of that miracle so badly.